My room smells like vodka and shame
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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