Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
