I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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