I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
