new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I FOUND THE LEGS
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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