Who wears a wallet chain?!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
