I just cut my nipple shaving
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
