in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
