Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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