She's JV to your varsity
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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