i need an iv and a liver transplant
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
