I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
