Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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