dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
