I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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