I just pynch a tree in the face
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
