Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
