It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
