it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
