found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
