The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
