The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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