I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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