some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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