Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
