On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
