I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
