Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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