I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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