I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
