It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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