I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
