Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
