Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
