Where are you?
In a non slutty way
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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