Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Four minutes until I can fart!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
