your parents love me but you hate me
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
