Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
