I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
