Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We got so high we made milksteak
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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