just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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