omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
