"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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