Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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