I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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