just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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