Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you would pick up someone in the library
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
