Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
