one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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