You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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