what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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