She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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