Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
