So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
