eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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