She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
