you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
