Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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