I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
