so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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