Don't you send me to vm
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
