The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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