I think I won the penis lottery.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize