I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
