It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
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