Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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