I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
