I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
