i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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