Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
