OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
