I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
