You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
