i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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