I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i think i just lost a toe
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
