i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize