every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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