omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
