So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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