You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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