New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize