If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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